didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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