Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
