i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
