Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
