but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
