I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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