ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
