I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
