Swine flu. Run for my life!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
