Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
