So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
whose ass print is on the piano?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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