You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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