the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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