One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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