Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
