My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
