Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
