garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
