i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
