once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The air was thick with penises
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
