I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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