ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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