Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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