Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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