My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
