Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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