I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
