If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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