Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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