You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
