and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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