my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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