so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
