No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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