Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
