I got chris browned last night
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
