..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
