I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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