What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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