4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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