Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this just has baby written all over it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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