i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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