Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
