I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How external is "for external use only"?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
