btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
