I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
