Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize