Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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