how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
