im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
