Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
