The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
