I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
