If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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