Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
