She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
