Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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