I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
