Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
