I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
