Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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