Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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