i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
