"it" just moved
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
