i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
