Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
