It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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