the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
