even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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