so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
