I am in a vortex of obligation.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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